Three words with so much meaning. I dont want to be melodramatic about it, and let me be clear, I dont think about you all the time, or even every day. But it’s there. It’s noticeable.
I almost wish there had been a huge incident. Shouting, anger, tears. Recriminations, grude-bearing, ignoring each other for days or weeks at a time. But those days are past. We dont have that teenage anger, that ability for what you’re going through to be the most painful feeling anyone has ever experienced outside of the two of you. That drama that you wouldnt bring up anymore for fear of ruining how special it secretly is to you, the tears and the cant breathe cant think pain. If we brought it up now we’d end up justifying it and making excuses for ourselves, and I’d hate that.
Instead it’s all a bit…wet. Losing a friendship. Oh, we dont talk as much anymore, life got in the way, everything sort of…fizzled.
So instead here I am, writing this down. I’m not angry, I’m not hurting, I dont even want anything to change, not really. I just thought I’d mention it, in a very grown up way-I do miss you. Sometimes I hear something I know only you’l appreciate, or have a rubbish day and want to vent before I go home, or tell a joke that gets recieved blankly and wish you were there to get it and laugh with me. And hey, I could tell you, no one is stopping me.. But it wouldnt be the same. I think you know that too.
None of this is life-changing, mind altering stuff. None of this is even that necessary, and we’re both doing really well without it to be honest. But I still like to think you feel that way too sometimes. That although our lives have moved so far apart that what was once a constant presence is now barely acknowledged, it would be nice if we’d managed to stay friends.
But life goes on.