1. When people #hashtag on Facebook. What? Are you confused? Do you think you’re on Twitter? Do you think your status is worth being searched for at a later date? Are you so involved in your social media that you cant tell them apart any longer? Worse still, when done by people who dont even use Twitter. I get it, you heard Neil Patrick Harris do it, and now you think it’s cool. But you’re not him, so it isnt. Stop it. #muppet
2. Hi Facebook. You know me, I’m the one you send fifteen notifications to when people I dont know comment on something I vaguely looked at on a forum once upon a time. Just a quick question, why are you not therefore telling me when I get a direct message in my inbox? Why am I being left to discover the emboldened message about three weeks after it was sent? It’s not all the messages. Oh no. Then I would just make it part of my ‘facebook routine’ to check. Do you have grudges against certain friends of mine?
3. Chain statuses. If you have ANY humanity at all, you will post this as your status for just FIVE minutes and show the world that you CARE. Evidently I dont care about (among other things) Cancer, Poverty, Gender Discrimination, The environment, God, My friends and family, Your dog, Whatever chain is currently going around.. You get the idea.
3b. It’s a Hoax. Missing child? Free money? Free anything for that matter? Hoaxxxx…
4. Events. There should be a countries setting. I know, you dont want to scroll through all the non friends on your list to find the few that might actually be interested in your bake sale, but at the very least, I shouldnt be being invited to the ones on different continents.. Surely that’s not too much to ask. Impression of me when recieving an event invite. “oOo what’s this..? Oh…”
Added treat? Once I’ve clicked not attending? It still appears on my upcoming events. Why would I want a list of things I am not attending?
5. The Profile Glitch. “Sorry, your post cannot be sent at this time, please try again.” I’m wise to you Facebook, you just want me to click send again 5 times angrily so that my post appears a million times and makes me look like an idiot and clogs up everyones newsfeed so they hate me.
In fact, thinking about it now- the newsfeed take over, the irritating reply all’s, the not giving me every message, the millions of annoying notifications.. Is it possible that Facebook is actually conspiring to lose us friends?! Oh so clever. You start off as an easy to follow networking site, luring us all in with promises of keeping in touch with far away buddies and reconnecting with old school friends. You then add more and more layers of nonsense until we’re desperate to never see or communicate with anyone ever again.