Exhaustion

I’m worn out. I cant continue to fight, but I cant continue to try so hard.

Lost in a world of memories that I cant recall,
Hazily trying to assess them all
Work out where this started, where I began,
See the logic, find God’s plan.

If I could only remember the first time,
Erase the trigger, spot the sign
Would the second have happened? And then the third?
If I’d warned myself, would I have heard?

This never ending cycle of hurt
Transitioning, angry to happy to curt
Pretending, lying, enjoying, smiling,
Breaking, mending, building, defiling.

Sometimes I long for a clean slate
Although i believe there’s no way to avoid fate
Sometimes I wish for an end to it all
If there’s no way out then there’s no way to fall.

If we get there, then it will all be worthwhile
Every argument, each painful trial
But what if we dont? What if we cant
Despite our best efforts, things fall apart.

27/10/11

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