Help Wanted: Apply Within

To whom it may concern,

I am writing to enquire as to whether you have among your persons an individual searching for respectable employment. I have a rather large job in mind, one which may appear at first glance too daunting a task to even consider. However, I am certain that it has been left too long already without being seen to, and any longer may result in (if you will forgive me my melodrama) the end of the world as we know it. This job is of a domestic nature, and may be fairly placed under the field of ‘Cleaning.’

If you have a fearless and hard working person looking for a lifetime of employment, do not hesitate to get in touch.

This is the letter I would recommend the government send round to employment agencies ASAP. The task? The urgent cleanup of the internet.

We all agree, the internet is one of the most incredible inventions of our generation. The amount of information at our fingertips, the incredible wealth of ideas and the collective minds and discussion, not to mention the closing of geographical gaps and the huge impact it has had on our social lives. Plus, it can be seriously both fun and funny. To sum up, Internet = Good Thing.

But, we are in desperate need of some kind of clear-up system. It’s just not clever to have anything and everything that anyone ever decides to make public floating around accessibly for the rest of time. Lets face it, most things just aren’t worth being given that kind of longevity.

On my travels around the internet on various crusades for knowledge, I have found:

  • The first and last train of the day timetables from as far back as 2002, just in case we have a guest who is a decade late and we want to make sure it wasnt public transport slowing them down.
  • About a million sites who want to give me free iPads, Laptops, Cameras, and Holidays. Either I am the luckiest person known to mankind, or people have far too much free rein to lie about how generous they are.
  • There are over 150,000 websites selling VHS movies. I doubt you could find 15,000 people with VHS players.

Apart from the unecessary websites, there are also just scores of people who think they are hilarious, and are not. If we leave aside youtube, which is basically a collection of things no one wants to see unless they have been linked to from another site, here are just a few examples of the ridiculous things which are floating around cyber space. All of these are simply barriers for us to find the actual information we are looking for. If my idea gets taken on, whoever the lucky cleaner is, please start with the following.

1. A website where you can watch the time. Oddly. And by the looks of things incorrectly. So a website that is to all intents and purposes, a broken watch.


3. If anyone can explain who is paying a yearly fee for this, I would be much obliged.


However, I have stumbled across the following incredible find, while researching this blog. As always, Thank me later.

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