Writing in stress today, as my baby is driving me mad.
I have to admit, I’ve been pretty lucky generally with my son. I’ve really never had many tear my hair out moments, and the ones I have had, have generally been more about me than him. As a newborn, he was never one for crying for hours, especially not for no reason, even when he isnt well, he tends to lean towards ‘pitiful and limp’ rather than ‘angry and screaming.’ He doesnt have any real discipline problems, and thank God, he is generally a happy and calm boy.
Right, now that you’ve finished hating me, I can give you a startling fact. I want to lock him in a cupboard right now. Even this baby, who is admittedly so good and so unstressful, has managed to make me lose my cool today. Because motherhood is really really hard. And all babies, no matter how cool and calm, have times when they just drive us mental. It started at 4.15. It is now 5.14. And in that hour, I have become a crazy person.
In order to understand how one hour could possibly be worth me punching the wall (Did I mention that part?) I’ll break it down slightly.
4.00: All three of us were playing happilly on our bed, peekaboo (obviously) and other such games.
4.15: R started moaning, and chewing his fingers. “Hmm, maybe he’s teething” I thought.
4.20: The moaning kicked itself up a notch, and I went to find the bonjela, applying with fear, as always when taking my life in my hands putting them anywhere near his ridiculously sharp gnashers.
4.21: I began singing songs, to pass the time while the gel started to work, but half way through wind the bobbin up, my son turned away from me and started extreme whining mode.
4.30: After trying to coax him out of his bad mood, we decided to go for baby nurofen, after all-there is a long time to bed time. When it was obviously not working, I decided to make his supper early, glad to get some peace and quiet from the crying and whinging, i went off to make dinner.
4.40: When I enter with food, R literally jumps towards me, arms outstretched. “We’ve cracked it-he’s starving!” I thought. How naive I was.
4.43: R stops eating after about 4 mouthfuls, and starts instead opening his mouth for food, and then pulling it out with his hands and throwing it at me.
4.50: Much coaxing, offering of drinks, different foods later, I walk out of the room, covered in rice and fish (which I am ALLERGIC to, ungrateful child.) C takes over.
4.55: Husb gives up. Apple is given to SHUT THE CHILD UP.
5.00: Apple gets thrown on floor. Baby gets taken out of highchair, in the hope that he will calm down and play. I come back in to try and entertain him.
5.05: R takes his half chewed apple, and starts biting bits off and then spitting them IN MY FACE and ON MY BRAND NEW COUCH.
5.10: I start to lose my cool… and baby whining and grizzling turns into full blown crying. Bad parenting moment. I walk out the room, give evil child to C (who has more patience than me evidentely), bash the wall, and open blog.
R, I know you are 15 months and fairly backwards in comprehension, but if I’ve ever wanted to ask you somnething in the last year and a bit, this is it.
If it isnt your teeth, and you aren’t in pain, and you’re not hungry, and you dont have a nappy, and you dont want us to play with you….. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WHAT IS IT?!
And now you know why I was blessed with a baby that didnt cry that much and for no reason, I obviously am ill equipped to deal with it. But I don’t feel awful. I feel blessed that I have a great husband who can step in and take over when it all gets too much, and also that I dont feel this way that often in the grand scheme of parenthood. If anything, I’m just a little in awe of the mums who DO have the babies who scream often and for no reason. How do you stay cool and calm day after day? Do you just get used to it? I know that no matter what the personality of your kid, it’s something that all mums go through from time to time, just part of being a parent, and generally it has no long lasting scars on your parent/child relationship, even if we do ‘lose it’ once in a while.
So I take a deep breath, glad that I’ve had the opportunity for some me-time to reboot, suppress the guilty mum feelings that threaten to surface, and remind myself that some days its harder than others, but if I can go back next door and calm him down, and get a smile out of my baby, or even just stop him crying, it will all be worth it.
If not, It’s only an hour until bedtime. And tomorrow is a new day.