Rosh Hashana 2012

Hopes and thoughts for the year ahead

  • My little once baby boy is now a toddler. I am so proud of C and myself for everything we have managed to give him in the last year, and he is a confident and happy little boy. However, I am hoping that this year will give him the communication skills to speak to us and to others, and make himself verbally understood. By this time next year he will be starting his third term of nursery, and I can only leave it in Gods hands to make sure he is ready for this huge step in interaction and social understanding. (Gulp.) He hasn’t ever let his eyes hold him back until now, long may it continue! I get frustrated and worried when people ask me ignorantly “is he really partially sighted?” I suppose my greatest hope is that people always continue to ask me that question!
  • I could never have imagined coming this far in my relationship as a daughter this time last year. My mother and I no longer argue, (although we drive each other mad sometimes) and in many ways our relationship is stronger than it’s ever been. I can say without doubt that I understand her more than I ever have done, and that I no longer worry that she doesn’t really want the relationship to start with. I hope that this year we can begin to enjoy each others company the way we sometimes used to during the manic bipolar nature of our time together during my teenage years. I also hope I can show her that she can trust that I’ll always be in her life, she isn’t alone, even while I cant soothe her loneliness. If I’m really honest, my fear is being sucked back into the craziness, and losing myself in it, in trying to help what can’t ever be changed. I think only heaven can show me a way to balance love with self-preservation. It’s certainly not something I’ve ever had much luck with in the past.
  • I could never have imagined that the biggest challenge of adulthood would be friendship. While my old friendships hold strong for the most part, it seems to be a well known but un-discussed fact of being a grown up that it is about 50 times more difficult to make lasting relationships. While in high school, all it took was a few shared classes or break times, nowadays things are so much more complicated. Play dates, Shabbat lunches, chats at the library… when do acquaintances become real friends? I finally feel like we have a community to be a part of, and have met some lovely people with kids similar ages to R, and a similar lifestyle to C and me. I hope that this year will bring us closer in a deeper way, and they will move from being people to pass time with, to being people we call in times of joy or need.

Reconnecting with old friends and family, finding peace with things which cannot be changed. Making the next steps towards goals both old and new, treating ourselves to much needed “me-time” and “family-time” alike. Success in our careers and family life and personal aspirations. The ability to give and accept, in equal measure.

I want to wish all this and more to all my friends and family, along with a huge thank-you to everyone who continues to read and support me, I cant say how much it means to me. To everyone who celebrates in one way or another, a Shana Tova U’Metuka, a healthy, happy and sweet new year.

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5 Comments

  1. Hi, I’m so happy you are getting along well with your mom. You are important to her, even if she doesn’t always show it or say it. Some people just can’t or don’t know how to tell their loved ones what they mean to them. It doesn’t mean she doesn’t love you.

    Your little boy is adorable and you are a very good mother. I know this because I can just tell you put a lot of work and worry into raising him to the best of your ability. He will grow up just fine, even though he has things he must over come. We all do, some just have it a little worse than others.

    My youngest daughter has a learning disability. She didn’t talk much until she was well past three. She understood language, her brain just had a tough time processing it so she could say it. Over time and with a lot of work, she over came most of it. She’s now almost 35 years old and most people don’t notice.

    Your little guy will find his own way too. After all you’re his mom and you know you’ll move heaven and earth to help him.

    Reply
  2. abi

     /  September 20, 2012

    Happy and a sweet new year to you too! Thank you for being a wonderful friend, even so far away! It was great catching up with you when I was back in London. I know how you feel though about making new friends, its really tough. I suppose it is a comfort to me that it is not just challenging when you move to a new country, but also back home in good Old England. I have made some good friends here though, it took time, and my experience has taught me that you need to just continue to put the effort in, every small encounter builds the layers of friendship. I have been here for a year and a half and only now am I beginning to feel like I have real friends. The moment when I had people to text about some insignificant news really hailed a great moment for me in the friendship making journey! Still, there is nothing like the friends you make in school. Good luck x x x

    Reply

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