If you have so much money, send me a cheque.

Fireworks. Literally burning your cash. Does anyone enjoy more than the first one? Doesn’t everyone secretly wish they were a bit less noisy? When watching a display, I’m certain I’m not the only one hoping it’s nearly over in between my oohing and ahhing. It’s been left unsaid way too long, I’m gonna go ahead and break the silence. Fireworks, are boring. Worse? Photos of fireworks.

To continue this theme, I present to you..

My top colossal wastes of money, in no particular order.

1. VUE Cinema. I lied, this one is definitely in order. The cinema has become the hugest waste of money I could ever imagine. It wasnt enough that we were paying close to £10 to watch a movie that will be out on DVD in about 2 weeks time, and was available to illegally download 2 months ago in better quality than what’s on the big screen. It’s not enough that you’ve now introduced VIP seating, which you’re not allowed to use with Orange Wednesday, and basically stops you sitting in half the cinema unless you want to add another £1.50 onto the ticket. Now you’ve started allocated seating, so I have to spend the entire trailers and first quarter of the movie listening to people saying “excuse me, thats my seat.” What is wrong with you? It’s popcorn, it costs about 30p to make that entire glass cabinet.. (Come to think of it, why is the popcorn on display, we know what popcorn looks like.)
The worst part is that there are SO many incredible independent cinemas in London that cost the same or less, have no noisy dirty kids, have good courteous service, great and interesting snacks, and are dying because everyone’s busy double parking on the pavement at north finchley every weekend.. Google people!

2. Pop ups. Who do these work on? I don’t know about anyone else, but when I’m surfing the internet and any pop up at all appears in front of the screen I originally loaded, my only reaction is annoyance. I’m certainly not going to buy a random product / fill in your survey.. And I’m definitely not going to click on your virus link. No one believes they’ve won a laptop. No one believes they are the unique winner just because you’ve written the word ‘you’ in red letters and worked out what time it is right now. Who is buying pop up advertising space, and why?

3. Personalised number plates. I dont get it. I’ve done some brief research on them, and found nothing to be impressed by. It’s not clever, it’s never accurate, and it’s so expensive! Who has £33,360 to be R 900 ?? or £4,350 to be Y900 DAN ??
Look at this gem for a mere £15,000

Genuinely stumped. Are you telling the world that you’re foxier than 900 others? Is your name Fredrick Xavier Yeats and you live at that number? What is the point? Get a bumper sticker, fool.

4. Anything you buy a child below the age of 4. Because they have the attention span of pigeons.

Agree/Disagree? Any to add to my list?