Do the French hate their children?

I’m a big advocate for children’s literacy. I believe that we all should be reading to our children every day, and that once they can read themselves, this should be encouraged with every tool a parent has to use, bribery and corruption included if it becomes necessary.

However, if I lived in France I think I would have a different opinion on the matter. I definitely wouldn’t be letting my son loose in a public library very often.  I stumbled across the following examples of literature from across the pond, and (with thanks to 22words) just had to share!

The Weight of Sorrow.

Two authors and a publishing house all agreed that this was an appropriate message to be sending to small children. If I wanted to show my son that the world is a sad and heavy place to live in, and that he could one day develop sad eyes like the half man half mountain above, I would let him read non fiction. No-one needs books describing what a miserable place the world can be. Especially not children.

Revenge of the Rabbits

What was that sweetheart? You want a pet? Sure! Mummy and I are completely supportive of that, we’ll go have a look at the pet store this weekend! I’m the best? No worries darling. … Oh by the way, completely unrelated, we got you a new bedtime story. 

Lily’s Thief

Obviously the usual “don’t accept sweets from strangers” or Topsy and Tim have a visit from the Policeman weren’t strong enough messages for our foreign friends. Instead, watch a innocent young girl get carried away in her pyjamas by a giant angry running man. Maybe your child has red hair or special blue slippers too? She can identify with Lily and be much less frightened if she ever gets kidnapped herself!

The Day Daddy Killed his Old Aunt

Doesn’t this sound like the title of a serial killers testimony in court? I’m not sure if this is a memoir, or whether they got actors in for the front cover… but if it’s the latter, what are the chances they told the kids parents what they were modelling for? Don’t pretend you aren’t a little intrigued as to the plot-line of this one.

 

The Visit from Little Death

What is the problem? Do French children settle too easily at night? Do they laugh themselves to sleep so loudly that it’s keeping all the adults awake? Are they so very happy with their lot in life that parents think they wont cope in the real world? How can these books get the approval of not just agents and publishers and book stores, but the writers themselves? Oh yes, I write children’s books. Mainly horror aimed at toddlers. It’s wildly popular. Why don’t you try them out on your kids and see if we can start a trend. And don’t worry about bad dreams;  the French are already a step ahead in preparing for the inevitable.

My First Nightmare

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No Two Ways About It, That’s Strange. (Part 3)

Calling out across the world for help on explaining this one.

I was lucky enough to be thoroughly spoiled with a day-trip to Venice yesterday for my 25th birthday. It is truly tourist-ville, with every street corner overflowing with the unique list of items which Venice is famous for. Each stand or small shop was full to the bursting with decorative masks, Murano glassware, and Gondola themed trinkets. Of course, as it was Italy, you also cannot escape the Carbs infatuation, (I knew I’ve always wanted to go there for a reason) and you cant walk ten yards without spotting Pizza or Pasta in one form or another.

This was one form I wasn’t expecting. In nearly every shop, there was a section like the below. This was the only one I saw however with the helpful/confusing sign up, which made me think I may be missing something about the phenomenon. Any ideas?

If this is typical Italian cuisine-I’m just glad we didn’t have time to go to a restaurant. Is this really such a must-have in the pasta department? I have to say, the UK are missing a trick, as I’ve never seen it in Tesco.

Explanation or not, I’ll stick to fusilli thanks.

 

Interesting things I’ve noticed this weekend in Manchester.

1. The weather in Manchester this weekend has been much the same as London I hear. Every time the sun comes out, it’s a losing battle trying to get outside before the heavens re-open again. The difference is that while my London friends are complaining about the August rain, Manchester is celebrating the arrival of summer.

2. I saw a woman trying to spray a group of kids with bleach.

3. There are many less Polish shops. We have been driving around for three days, and the score is a measly 1-0 in the ‘Sklep’ game. (see a Polish shop, shout sklep. Play now, thank me later.)

4. You can pay a babysitter double what she may ordinarily earn, and it will still be almost half of what you’ll pay in London. I cant believe women get away with paying £2.50 per hour to watch 3 children while they are awake.

5. I saw a shop called Bath and Biscuit. If left to my own imagination, I dont think I ever would have worked out it was a dog grooming parlour. Genius.

So this explains my lack of blogs the past few days, but I’m gathering inspiration for the next few installments.. Next up? “Surviving a wedding seated in a seperate hall from my husband… ” Stay tuned folks.