Are you in there, Honey?

Based on the evidence I have gathered over the past 3 days, I would be very different without my husband.

Does anyone out there at all, bother cooking for one? I have resided for the most part this week, on tortilla chips, the remains of a cake I made last weekend, and some questionable cheese I found in the back of the fridge. Tonight I am opting for take-out, due to the fear I’m developing rickets from malnutrition. Even R looked unimpressed when I offered him cheerios for dinner. (That last part is a joke.. He was totally impressed. Still Joking. )

if I dont have the impetus to cook for one, you can imagine how I feel about cleaning for one. Washing up, wiping down surfaces, laundry… All out the window. My flat looks somewhat like a frat house, one occupied mainly by babies and single women, to explain all the books and toys and glossy magazines.

I havent opened R’s window blind since Monday, because I’m nervous that in the absence of my tall hubby it might snap all the way to the top and make me go get the step ladder to pull it down again. I havent eaten off real plates since he left because why should I have to scrape and clean them? And I’ve pretty much worn my pyjamas under all my clothes this week for the ease of the frequency I’ve been napping. I need a whole new word for how lazy I’ve apparently become.

In addition, in the short space of a few days, I have forgotten how to hold a conversation. Not having anyone above the age of 1 to talk to from 7pm until whenever I happen to cross paths with a bystander, is not good for my people skills. A lady said “excuse me” this morning on my way to work, and as my first adult communication of the day, I took out a headphone and snapped “What?!” Shockingly, she muttered “nevermind…” and hurried away. If perchance you found me via google nice lady who probably needed directions, my apologies, I am tired and grouchy from 3 days of single-mumming.. Mea Culpa, and I hope you found your way.

So there you have it. Without my other half, I am greedy, unhealthy, messy, lazy and rude. Luckily, C is coming back this evening, and I can get back to normal. Somewhere underneath everything, (pjs included) there will be again a wife and mother who makes lovingly prepared nutritious meals (for the most part), keeps her house sparkling (well… ish.), knows how to do basic household chores and can even hold a decent conversation and make people laugh once in a while.

(Here’s that anti feminist voice inside me coming out again…) It just looks like I need a man to make me bother to find her. All I can say is, its a good job I’m not single. After all, with these startling realisations about what I would be like, who would marry me? 😉

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Eek, a spider! Will someone call my husband?

Not to stamp all over feminism or anything, but…

The following crises have occured in the past 36 hours since my husband left for his business trip.

Problem #1: We ran out of toilet paper and I have no idea where it is kept.
Solution: I had a really good search, and got R involved also, emptying cupboards and the like, but luckily on moving a pile of clothes in the bathroom, I discovered that C had anticipated the problem and left a spare. Phew. I was about ten mins away from going out to buy more. Fortunately I know where we keep the local Tesco’s.

Problem #2: The changing table has collapsed.
Clarification: Not so much the changing part, which is seemingly fine, (famous last words) but more the drawers part, which have collapsed in onto each other, meaning they all open simultaneously and precariously. I can therefore not access vests, nappy cream, any medicines and most of R’s socks and trousers.
Solution:
Thus far I have survived on what is in the changing bag, and R has gone to sleep tonight without a vest. It’s warm, I’m not concerned. I will however, need a new solution by the morning when he has no socks or vest to leave the house in. Hrm..

Problem #3: I got a phone call that normally C would deal with.
Clarification: Er.. I hate dealing with things.
Solution: I’m not proud of the fact that my first impulse was to call C in Holland and cry. I’m even less proud that I acted upon it. A compromise was found where I texted a reply and have now turned my phone on silent and hidden it. Why are texts so much less scary than phone calls? However, dealt with by myself. A win in my book.

Problem #4: I’m alone looking after my son.
Clarification: Once again, hats off to single parents (or parents whose spouse travels a lot…) -I dont know how you do it. Just the knowledge that no one is going to come and save you from the frustration of endless whining and looking after, is enough to make even the smallest difficulties a million times worse. My son is such a good boy, and yet 3 days with him by myself? Likely to make me break something.
Solution: Baby Einstein, and OH so many packets of raisins.

So far so good then, I’m practically an independent female.

Oh who am I kidding? Only 1680 minutes until the hubby is back again…

And just to appease all you feminists out there who think I’m taking ‘the cause’ back 50 years.. here’s some billboard grafitti which I found hilarious. (Yes, even though I’m married.)

I love you, now leave me alone.

I have been inspired today by West End Singleton, who writes about being clear about your intentions when getting into a relationship with someone.

It got me thinking, how many of life’s stresses ad upsets could have been entirely avoided, simply by being more honest and open with our communication?

We’re all guilty of it. We tell our spouses “Nothing’s wrong” when thats far from the truth, we answer “I’m fine” even when we’re not close to it. We put a moody face on, and hope someone guesses they’ve upset us without us having to spell it out. And then we get angry or disappointed when people cant read our oh so clever signals and magically apologize or change.

But why would they? If I dont tell a friend that I need some alone time, why wouldnt they keep texting and phoning? If I dont mention to my spouse that he’s upset me, how on earth can he know how to avoid the same mistake the next time? For the most part, no one is trying to upset anyone else. But we are not each other. We think and feel differently to anyone else on the planet, and thats what makes relationships so great.

I don’t need a friend who changes when I change and who nods when I nod; my shadow does that much better.” Plutarch. I love this quote, and I think that we all want our relationships to to challenge us and differ from us in countless ways. Accepting that the people in our lives are not inside our heads, and might need to hear our thoughts once in a while, is not a failiure of the friendship or of you as an individual. On the contrary, its proof that you are close enough to talk honestly together, without being afraid of hurt feelings or miscommunication.

I know a couple who recently split up, after nearly 2 decades of marriage. They are currently giving it another go, despite much dissatisfaction between them. The guy has said that he has had issues with the relationship for over a decade, but hasnt wanted to ‘make a fuss.’ It’s almost laughable. He nearly lost the whole marriage because he didnt mention the niggles and problems ten or fifteen years previously. Of course the wife couldnt change her behaviour, (because why would she think to try to?) and probably felt that she coulnt mention anything negative to her {seemingly satisfied) hubby, and suddenly the carpet gets too full of ‘little things’ being brushed underneath it, and they’re having the kids on alternate weekends.

It’s shocking. It’s shocking how easily not talking becomes shouting.

There are always going to be no-go areas with the people in our lives, topics that are not discussed because they’re fruitless or where two people differ too greatly. But for the most part, with the right language, telling someone how you feel can never be a mistake, even and sometimes especially, where it’s difficult or doesnt have your ideal outcome.

Children tell us exactly what they want, when they want it. In no uncertain terms, kids hold nothing back. And at some point we are taught how to censor the words we use and the people we use them to, for social etiquette or self-preservation. But when are we taught to start hiding, especially from those that we love?

No two ways about it, that’s strange.

Just had to share this photo I snapped yesterday on my way home. I looked, looked again, and then just had to have tangible proof. There was no film crew, no one else staring, and I wasnt sure that on retelling the story, that I’d be able to capture exactly how it made me feel and do it justice. So here is my present to you, you can almost experience the moment firsthand, how you might have felt being me, when I noticed this family walking a few steps ahead of me.

WEIRD. Just genuinely weird. Are they en route to a Denim convention? A B*Witched lookalike competition? Are they simply the most unimaginative family ever? I will leave it to you to decide.. But one thing is for sure. There is something very odd about this.

The Plot Thickens.
note: Once I’d snapped my snap (Ironically outside Snappy Snaps) I overtook them on the left. Upon seeing me, the girl was then very clearly heard saying in my direction, “She’s wearing a jean skirt.”

Any and all ideas to make me less confused gratefully recieved.

Birds Eye Potato Waffles

…They’re Waffley Versatile.

That’s what springs to mind when I think of the word Versatile. Does anyone else know what I’m talking about? It was an old advertisement, with a seriously catchy jingle. The interesting thing is, I have probably been singing that jingle since I was about 8, (not constantly of course, that would make me crazy) and yet I only recently realised that the word Waffley is meant to be a play on the word Awfully. I guess when we grow up with something, we dont always stop to look into it too deeply. Whats next, hidden meaning in the Barney theme tune?

Anyway, the reason why I’m thinking about the word versatile, is because I have now TWICE been nominated for the Versatile Blogger Award…. Yay! I therefore am going to stop ignoring it, and dedicate a post, (as the rules dictate) to a few of my favourite blogs. Just to warn you, here are a few ways in which I’m going to break the rules. I’m not sticking to brand new blogs, or to ones which deal with a huge variety of topics. I’m basically just giving a shout out to some fabulous writers and bloggers who I’m grateful to follow.

Without any favouritism or bias whatsoever, two great great blogs belong to the two people who nominated me in the first place, which fills me with joy that they enjoy my writing as much as I do theirs.

First off, heathergraham not only has an awesome name, which made me do a ridiculous double take when she first commented on my blog, but has a pretty fabulous blog of her own. There arent many people out there who have an interesting enough life just to talk about it openly and keep me fascinated. Thanks for the nomination and here’s yours! I’m truly glad you turned out not to be the celebrity! 🙂
My second nomination came from West End Singleton and she is another blogger who I am so glad found me! I’m so inspired by her self awareness and drive to meet her goals, and her ability to be honest with herself and her readers about them. It doesnt hurt that I pretty much agree with everything she says!

Journal of a mom is probably my favourite ‘mummy blog.’ She is insightful, meaningful, and deals with all the challenges that me and a million others mums face day on day, but best of all, deals with them with both humour and grace. I love reading about her life and looking at her (brilliant) photographs and stories.

Contradicting Kimmy is hysterical, simply because she is the type of mother who takes tons of pics of her baby, and yet is the type of person where the pics include ones of the baby ‘drinking’ out a beer can. Surely that’s enough of a reason for you to check her out.

Lastly: Well written, interesting, and fun are mostly yummy mummy, fieldwork in stilettos and pretty feet pop toe. You all brighten up my RSS feed, 😉

I have noticed that all my choices are women.. that wasnt intentional! Maybe I’ll make another post one day for the blokes. If somehow any of you dont know what you’re meant to do (where have you been?) the idea is pretty simply, to nominate your own favourite blogs and let them know!

Anyway, for now thank you all so much for continuing to read and comment. and here’s that jingle.